Are we addicted to our victimhood?


I have a theory. A theory that if you asked anybody on this planet to tell you the story of their life- they would, most probably, focus more on the hardships and times of adversity than the exciting, or even mundane parts. For instance, if somebody asked me about my journey towards becoming a Life Coach, I would tell them about my anxiety diagnosis and how I moved through this difficult time. I would focus on the part where I considered myself a ‘victim’ and not the part where I accumulated some amazing skills developed over my life time and made a brave, but authentic choice to follow my dreams.


Another thing I’ve noticed- and I’m a little ashamed to say- is that in the past, I would often defend my diagnosis. When I heard others saying they felt a little anxious or had anxiety, I would think things like ‘There’s no way they know what it feels like’, or ‘Surely they haven’t experienced true anxiety like I have.’ It’s almost as if I wanted to be the one who had suffered the most, the biggest victim. To some extent, I think we’ve all had experiences like this. Where we cling to our victimhood- whether to gain attention from others, or in a desperate search for support- we’re addicted to doing it tough and having others know about it.


Nowadays, I no longer identify anxiety with being a part of who I am. I’ve surrendered my grasp on it, and can see it as a beautiful period of growth in my life that doesn’t need to continue into my future. Of course, I still have moments of fear and panic, but I’m no longer interested in lugging it around with me. When others tell me they feel anxious, there’s no defensiveness or judgement anymore, there’s just pure love and compassion. So my question to you is, are you addicted to being the victim of your life? Do you deeply identify with your struggles and fear letting them go? These are difficult questions to ask because they require complete honesty, but once we know something about ourselves we can’t un-know it, and we can then take steps to shift it.


Let’s drop the negative stories, and stop defending our hardships so we can call in the life we want to live, and be the heroin, not the victim.  


With gratitude and love,




P.s. If this post resonates with you please share it with other beauties in your life who might benefit also. You can also send me an email at and we can chat! 



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