Meet my inner Boyle...
So, there’s this show. I found it on Netflix. It’s called Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and it’s only the best show ever to exist. It’s a comedy about a precinct of New York detectives, and it stars a character called Charles Boyle. Detective Boyle is the precinct’s workhorse. He is shown as not that brilliant and not physically gifted, although he certainly tries harder than anyone else. He is the ultimate people pleaser, and actively seeks out any opportunity to be a cheerleader for his friends, even devaluing himself to do so.
Last week, I came to the (not so flattering) realisation that I have an inner Boyle who has been popping up very regularly lately. Now don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t think I’m ‘not that brilliant’ or that I don’t have any gifts, but my people pleasing skills have seriously been on show lately! I’ve been saying yes to things, that have meant saying no to myself. I’ve been sinking back into old habits of attempting to ‘mind-read’ and guess the responses that people expect from me. In essence, I’ve been devaluing myself in order to be a cheerleader for others. Hello Boyle!
To be honest, I can’t take all the credit in this realisation. A gentle nudge from my amazing coaching buddy on Saturday, alerted me to the continuous excuses I’ve been running and the way I haven’t been prioritising myself. The thing is, once you know something you can’t ‘unknow’ it. So, for the past few days, I’ve been radically aware of every time my inner Boyle has shown up and started running stories about being everything to others and leaving my own self-care to another day.
I’ve also been aware of the way that this voice has shifted and grown as I have. You may have heard of the saying ‘New level, new devil.’ For the past year, I’ve been on a spiritual and personal development journey, which has seen me gain more of an understanding of my habits, my mindset and my inner world. It has also seen my inner voice adapt to this new way of thinking. Whereas before I may have thought things such as ‘People will think you’re weird if you do [insert action here]’, nowadays my inner voice may say things such as ‘If you were really spiritually aware you would surrender this feeling and practise forgiveness instantly.’ So sneaky! New level, new devil…
I’m so grateful that these ways of being have been bought to my attention, so that now I can fully acknowledge them and choose a different way. I know that ol’ Boyle will continue to pop up throughout my life, and that it’s not about trying to get rid of him or resent him. It’s about listening attentively to what he has to say, and using his words as a tool to guide me onto a more aligned path. Without him, I’d have no signpost. So for that, I’m grateful.
And guys… if you haven’t yet, check out Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It will only be the best decision you’ve ever made.
With gratitude and love,
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