Self-love. If you’re anything like me and frequent self-help and wellness websites, then you would see and hear these two words bandied around A LOT. You’ve probably seen the inspirational quotes, the Facebook posts and the hashtags pushing the notion of ‘loving yourself’ and its absolute importance. When I first read about this whole concept of self-love, I didn’t really think it was relevant to me. My issue was around anxiety and panic, not around loving or accepting myself.
That was until, one day I got out my trusty mental shovel and started digging a little deeper into my feelings of anxiousness and fear. Why was I feeling this way? Because I didn’t like when things felt out of control. Why? Because I liked to be in control. Why? On and on I dug until I hit something stuck in the dirt of my mind, something hard and thick and seemingly impenetrable. 4 little words that had been guiding my every decision and thought. ‘I’m not good enough.’
Honestly, it was quite shocking to uncover this belief about myself because I hadn’t even realised that it was there. I’d done a pretty bloody good job of burying it right down deep and shovelling back over the top of it with judgements and habits and ‘evidence’. It was right about then that I decided that maybe learning a little bit more about this whole self-love thing could be a good idea. So, I started reading. I read about mirror work and affirmations and belief systems. I read about meditation and journaling and gratitude. I read about positive self-talk and consciousness and the Ego. And after I was finished reading (HA! Good one Jess), I started to explore each of these concepts. I started to practise them and implement them into my life.
As I did, I began to feel lighter and more expansive. I began to feel less of a weight and I thought that the burden of my heavy belief was lifting. That was until I started meditating on the concept of worthiness. Coz that’s the whole point, right? My belief was that I didn’t feel ‘good enough’ so I thought I would top my inner work off by ensuring that I felt worthy. Easy peasy! One of the mediations I would do would guide you through a worthiness scale, and ask you to inwardly rate where you felt you sat that day, and then take you through exercises to help you to feel like a 10 on the scale. To begin with, I would usually sit at around a 3-5. As time went on, I moved up to a 6-7 and then for a while I sat at around an 8-9. However, I stayed at this level for quite a while and couldn’t quite seem to allow myself to sit at a 10 on the worthiness scale.
I came up with all sorts of stories in my head about why I wasn’t a 10. “I didn’t do that one thing perfectly at work the other day.” “I had a falling out with a friend 3 years ago so maybe I need to work on my relationships.” “I don’t always speak authentically and from the heart.” …the list went on. Then one day, I was sitting listening to this particular mediation again and I literally just thought, fuck it! Why can’t I be a 10? What if I just decided that today, I’d consider myself 100% worthy of all the good stuff and see what happens?
Guys, the feeling was incredible. I realised that I’d had all of these conditions around being ‘worthy’ or ‘good enough’. ‘When I start earning x amount of money I’ll be worthy/good enough.’ ‘When I move out of home like a REAL adult, then I’ll be worthy/good enough.’ ‘When I [insert external situation here], then I’ll be worthy/good enough.’ I realised that all I had to do was allow myself to be worthy/good enough and that meant that I was. It was my choice.
My road to self-love has been exciting, bumpy, fulfilling, expansive and constant and I know that it’s something that I need to check in with everyday, but I am more than willing to do so. Because what’s the alternative? Grabbing out that shovel again and burying that limiting belief back down into the dirt and going over it with a compactor for good measure? I won’t allow it. I love and honour myself too much for that.
So I invite you too, to explore this concept of self-love because trust me, it isn’t just some fluffy idea that will fade out of fashion along with the next round of hashtags. It’s a core shaking, radically life altering practise that will not only impact the choices and decisions you make, but elevate your energy, positively impact your relationships and completely improve your life for the better.
With gratitude and love,
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